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Do “Love Languages” really work?

Recently (few months ago), I was privileged to co-present a topic about Love Languages to a group of christian couples. Well, though it seemed it was well accepted and appreciated by some couples, I could sense the tension and expressions as we gave our points. Many of the couples, who definitely have spent more time in the “business” just gave us that look that says “you’re still young, you don’t understand yet”. 😀😀

Well before I go further, what do we mean by “love languages”? Love languages refers to how we see, interpret, appreciate and express love. They were first proposed by Dr. Gary Chapman in his famous book; “The 5 Love Languages”. A book I will encourage every couple to read. There are basic five love languages.

They are:

  1. Words of Affirmation: People in this group don’t joke with words. They read meaning to the simplest words. Compliments or negative comments are not taken lightly. They can read meaning to and analyze every single word spoken to them. A simple “I love you” can go a long way.

  2. Acts of Service: People in this group appreciate actions than words. They see service or helping them out as love. Helping in the kitchen, doing the laundry or just cleaning around is interpreted as love.

  3. Receiving Gifts: People in this group love to receive gifts. They are not really about the type of gifts, they are after the thought behind the gift. it is not really about how expensive the gifts are. They just feel loved that someone remembered to get a gift for them.

  4. Quality Time: People in this group appreciate when undivided attention is given to them. They highly esteem times when their partner just sits with them, with 100% focus on them.

  5. Physical Touch: People in this group love to be touched. Not touching them for a while starves them of love. Touching doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual, they just want to feel you close. Holding of hands, hugging, or rubbing of the hair will usually do.

So what is your love language? Do you know? if not, I’ll advise you take this test; Love Language Test.

Now does this work?

Oh yes it does, at least for me. 😀 And it has worked for few couples I know (including older couples). It does not make us perfect. But it helps us to intentionally learn our spouse. And it helps to easily pinpoint where the issue might be during intense moments. It is better to know the problem – then you can keep working towards the solution – than forming a blind eye to it. Many people have refused to find out the problem of their strained relationship, and therefore cannot find solution to it.

It can be very effective if partners learn their love languages. Both partners will speak and express their love languages in the way they understand it. If you have not tried it, give it a try! I’m quite sure it is going to add some spices to your marriage.

Let me know your thoughts and comments below. Thank you.

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